Details, Details
The little things you love make the story.
Once upon a time, I had a breakthrough in therapy.
One of the things many of us learned the hard way during the pandemic is that, to be an actor, eventually you need an audience. This is true even before you hit the stage—your first audience as a working actor is the casting director (or associate) who watches your initial audition—these days, via submission tape. This creates an automatic (if subjective) feedback loop for the actor: they like the tape, you hear from them [good!], they don’t, you don’t [bad!]. My therapy breakthrough came when I realized I had stopped prioritizing what I thought of my own work. In fact, I had no idea how I felt about it, I had been relying so heavily on the opinions of others for so long. That meant for up to six days a week, for hours at a time, I had been solely trying to make…other…people…happy? That thought was exhausting.
For years I’d been a Suzy-try-hard. I wanted the check-mark from teach, the proverbial pat on the head, the confirmation, however small, that I’d gotten it “right.” I’ve since let (just a little bit of) that go, but I still always care about what I’m working on, even if I don’t like it very much. The happy side of that coin is that I like caring about stuff: I prefer it to apathy, and it’s usually been a good thing that my default is to try to do something well. The sad side of that coin is that it can be an exhausting way to live, and I sometimes suffer through experiences I don’t enjoy and that are genuinely not useful to me. Like calculus. (Sorry, Dad.)
Getting dressed has always fallen outside of this pattern. For me, outfits are ephemeral, and style is an always-in-process kind of thing. It’s the reason why I’ve never longed for a capsule wardrobe, or aspired to establish a daily uniform. It would pop the fun-balloon for me! That does not mean that I don’t have my own army of trusty regulars, that I don’t enjoy outfit formulas, or that I never outfit repeat. And sure, sometimes I get it “wrong,” but it’s all just information for the next day—a very small tweak could make the difference between getting it “wrong” or “right,” and, gloriously, the only judge of that is me.
Last week, I wrote about what makes something cool, and I mentioned that, as I grapple with the question, my outfits have gotten simpler. The thing about simplicity is that it makes the details stand out—and I have always loved a detail. Like a middle name or a quirky habit, a bigger story is often behind a seemingly small detail. And the details, in my opinion, are where personal style is born.
This week, I thought I would highlight a few looks that really felt like me precisely because of the little details—things I wore because I liked them, because they felt good to me—no feedback loop needed.
A Cheeky Sock
Remember when I wrote an entire newsletter on socks? For such a small article of clothing, they can pack some visual punch—and, IMO, this is especially true with a sheer sock. We happen to be right in the middle of primo-weather-September-October, which is the perfect time to wear a sock purely as an accessory, regardless of where they rank in terms of warmth. I like sheers because they are surprising and feminine without being frilly. And, in outfit #1 above, I liked that they were kind of a secret under this maxi dress/you could only see a flash of them while I was walking or sitting. In outfit #2, they turned the silhouette of my ballet flats into a kind of sheer ankle boot, which felt fun and cool. SPEAKING OF THE SHOES—
My Ugly-Cute Ballet Flats
I mentioned these last week, and, if you’ve been here for a while, you may remember my deep dive on balletcore in January. WELL, I finally took the plunge this August. I love them! We are living a happy, comfortable life together. I enjoy their squishy soles and that they are not too femme. I enjoy how nicely they pair with regular-ol-jeans-and-a-sweater, and that in that combo they become unexpected and pretty. I enjoy that when I wore them to lunch with my Dad, he said “you have your dancing shoes on!” And, if I am honest, I enjoy that they (via Jeffery Campbell) look *extremely similar* to an, ahem, much more expensive pair. I have always been able to find good dupes, it’s a gift and a curse.
My Candy Necklace
Remember this guy? Purchased at A Current Affair this June. When I brought it home, my husband said “…I don’t think I get it.” Which frankly, is a green light for me in terms of putting the “personal” in personal style. This necklace is super playful, so my favorite way to wear it is with outfits that are more neutral or casual—
or with a look that’s leaning more serious—
Secret little dose of fun, right?
Eeeee and Finally!, My Opening Night Look
We opened the play this week, and I would be remiss not to include the opening night fit! When it comes to formalwear and making fashion personal, I think the styling is everything. Dress codes narrow options, which sometimes means that everyone ends up looking the same—OR, alternatively, gives a nice framework to creatively push against. I love formal looks that seem really individual/unique to the wearer! And I was wearing head-to-almost-toe vintage (vintage shoes are always too small for me!), which made the individuality part pretty….easy. But again, it’s the details here that made this feel like me: the blue bag, the belt, the little gold and pearl earrings, the very thin straps on this gold, low-heeled sandal. My style words are vibrant, easy, and elegant, and I am happy to report I felt like all three this night.
P.S. You may remember this dress from the same vintage fair where I got the above necklace. Buy things you love when you spot them! Don’t talk yourself out of true love in the name of practicality! The time to wear it will come, and when it does you’ll have just the thing!
So so so. If you take anything away from this, take my therapy breakthrough: in all creative acts, what’s most important is that YOU LIKE IT. Value your own good taste! Prioritize your opinion! Try to care enough that you can look back and feel at peace with the process AND the product—but not so much that you are hamster-wheeling for someone else’s approval. Both my work and my clothes are a representation of who I am. Here’s to treating both with love.
See you next week, babes.
Costume Change is a styling newsletter (vs. a shopping newsletter). There’s no spon-con above—any references to clothing/shoes/shops, etc. are purely honest-to-goodness thoughts and recommendations. As always, I hope that Costume Change first and foremost provides you with inspiration to re-style inside of your own closet. Thanks for reading!